Brenna

A few days ago, a friend of mine told me about a song that I would relate to. He probably didn't even realize how timely that was. 18 years ago today, at the age of 14, my daughter (Brenna) passed away due to complications from a brain stem tumor.

"She's With Me" by Collin Raye is a powerful song that captures a father’s deep love and pride for his daughter, who has special needs. The father, despite the challenges they face together, proudly declares, "She’s with me." When they go out, he introduces her to others, wearing his role as her caregiver like a badge of honor, even in moments when people look on with pity or sympathy. To him, she is a blessing, bringing him immense joy and purpose. Although she cannot communicate in typical ways, he cherishes every moment he sees her smile or hears her call.

This phrase, "She’s with me," symbolizes his pride and commitment as he navigates life alongside her. He feels privileged to be the one chosen to care for her, humbled by her purity and the glimpse of heaven he sees in her face. The father finds meaning in the difficult road they walk together, and he trusts that there is divine purpose in it.

In a moving conclusion, the father imagines standing before God at the end of his life. In this vision, he stands with his head bowed, feeling his own flaws and unworthiness. But then, his daughter steps forward, and with a loving, precious voice, she tells God, "He’s with me." The song comes full circle, emphasizing the power of their bond and the transformative love they shared. It highlights how the father’s devotion was noticed by his daughter, and in her own way, she proudly claims him, just as he did for her.

Our story somewhat resonates with Collin Raye's "She's With Me." Although our daughter was not "special needs", she had physical needs due to a brain stem tumor. Just as the father in the song says, “She’s with me,” we proudly supported Brenna throughout her life, recognizing her presence as a series of miracles, even amid the challenges. That phrase, “She’s with me,” captures the pride, love, and devotion we feel as her parents.

At the end of the song, it’s the daughter who speaks on behalf of her father, saying, "He’s with me." That vision mirrors our belief in the greatest miracle of all—that one day, because of Christ’s Atonement and Resurrection, we will be reunited with Brenna as part of an eternal family.

Through all the moments—each trial, each miracle, and the profound peace that fills us with hope—we feel the same faith that sustains us until that promised day arrives, when we will see our sweet Brenna again and feel the full joy of that reunion.

And I like to think that when I finally stand before the Lord, feeling all too aware of my own faults and shortcomings, Brenna will be there at my side. She’ll be ready to speak up, saying, “Don’t worry about him, Lord—he’s with me.”

Listen to She's With Me by Collin Raye

This adorable little angel is 25 today! (TWENTY FIVE!!) Such an honor to be her parents. She is an amazing big sister example to her sibs. Still. Love her! Miss her! Every. Day. Happy Birthday, Brenna!

"Verschlungen ist der Tod vom Sieg.
Tod, wo ist dein Sieg? Tod, wo ist dein Stachel? … 
Gott aber sei Dank, der uns den Sieg geschenkt hat durch Jesus Christus, unseren Herrn."
-1 Korinther 15: 51-57
Weil Jesus Christus den Tod überwunden hat, werden wir es auch. Ich kann mit meiner Familie für die Ewigkeit sein.
//
"Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?...
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
Because Jesus Christ overcame death, so will we. I can be with my family for eternity.

Elder Kaleb Augat

Happy 24 Brenna! Happy to know that families are forever!

Families Can Be Together Forever

Almost 24 years ago, this little angel changed my and Gordon 's lives forever. We were parents for the first time. It was so wonderful and sometimes hard. We learn so much from our firstborn that molds us into who we are. (Lucky Hannah!) Then, 14 1/2 years ago, our lives unexpectedly changed again with her brain tumor diagnosis. We never knew how strong we would need to be or how much we would need God during that fight. That was the hardest thing ever! I thought. Until, 10 years ago today, November 5th, at 7am, our lives changed forever, again, and our sweet little angel returned to live with Jesus. That was the hardest thing ever. But, the gospel is where my faith lies-that we will see her and hug her again. This is why I CTR. Love you to the moon, my little angel! Happy Heavenly Birthday, Brenna!

Mom

True meaning of why we celebrate Easter. My favorite time of the year because of the following message sent to us by Aaron, Brenna's brother, while on his mission in Peru.

So the church released a new video called ´"Hallelujah´" if you haven´t already seen it.  It´s a cool video about Easter when we remember the life of Jesus Christ and most of all that He lives today.  A lot of people remember his death, and although it´s important, it´s even more important to remember that  He lives.

An Easter Message about Jesus Christ

Today we celebrate Brenna's 23rd birthday. I can't think of better way to celebrate then to go to the temple. We know she is busy doing missionary work and watching over her family. She has been on that mission now for 9 years. So our gift to her is temple work. I love her tons and miss her every day. Can't wait until I am reunited with my missionary.

Happy 22, Brenna Boo! In her honor, we went to the temple last Saturday and performed baptisms. I'm sure a few of those are being taught by my missionary on the other side. Love her! Missing a lot of my kids right now. But, grateful for the promise of FOREVER FAMILIES!

It was a beautiful night and full moon. It's tradition in our family to release purple balloons. It's been 8 years since she passed away. She was 2 months shy of her 14th birthday. I guess you can say Racquel Augat and I are parents of 2 missionaries. Brenna has been called to the Spirit World and has been serving for 8 years and Aaron Augat is serving in Cusco, Peru and is going on 15 days. Love you and miss you tons Brenna. Can't wait to see you again.

Today we celebrate what would have been Brenna's 20th birthday. Great day to wear purple and eat cheese cake. Love you Brenna!

Can't believe it has been 6 years. The last couple of weeks have been very difficult. Sometimes I wish I was where Brenna is right now.

Love this picture of Brenna when she was 2.  To me, this picture is an expression of Christ like love (charity). She just looks at you and loves you.  Does not matter who you are or what you have done, she just loves you and wants you to be happy. Even when she went through pain and suffereing, she still thought of others. That pretty much sums up Brenna.

I miss you more than ever! Love you Brenna!

Our sweet neighbors have lost two of their four children.  They can and did share the same thoughts and feelings as we have on Brenna's Heavenly Birthday.  Thanks Stacie for wording it so perfectly and letting me plagiarize....(re-worded for our sweet angel)...

5 years ago today, a part of my heart was broken that has never healed....I love you Brenna and miss you every single day. I try to remember that even though each day is one day further from the last time I saw you, it's one day closer to the next time I will.

Thank heaven for my knowledge of the Plan of Salvation.  Can't imagine losing a loved one without it.  

This past year has been the hardest for me because I totally pictured her in high school.  She may have limped a little from her atrophy but walking down the halls without her oxygen.  She would have been so beautiful with her long blonde curly hair (she loved to dye it red in middle school.)  She would brighten everyone's day and made people smile and laugh every time she walked into a room.  She would be all the teachers' pet and have been voted Homecoming queen.  She would have gotten straight A's, of course.

Kenney Chesney wrote a song that makes me bawl like a baby every time I hear it.  "Who You'd Be Today"   It is so sweet.  Love the very last line the most.

We visit Brenna's gravesite every year on Memorial Day.  We take flowers and maybe balloons.  We love to see the gathering of flora that others have left in memory of our sweet angel.  It means so much to us that others still remember her.  But, really, we don't visit the gravesite much more often than in May, November 5th and January 5th.  When we do go visit, it is just a motion.  We know that she is not there.  She is off doing a wonderful missionary work, busy as a bee.  She used to always tell us she wanted to serve a mission in Mexico.  When she passed away, that same week, there was a large club in Mexico that burned down and killed many people.  Gordon mentioned that she must be really excited to share her stong testimony with those spirits from Mexico just entering the spirit world.  I'm sure she converted them with her sweet smile and loving personality.  We miss everything about her.  When we do want to feel her near, it is not at Wasatch Lawns.  She is in our home.  She is with us always.  And when we want to really feel her spirit, we go to the temple.  Her mortal body lay in wait of a wonderful morning when it will be reunited with her sweet spirit again.  I can't wait to see her again and hug her and look into her beautiful blue eyes and hear her laugh like she always did.  We love you Brenna!

Happy 18th Brenna even though time does not really matter for you anymore. Today your mom and I are going to the temple to celebrate your birthday. I'm sure you will be there.

l like this article and it expresses how I feel about Christmas.

How death made my 17th Christmas feel like my very first

It's probably no surprise that Easter has become my favorite Holiday. On this day we remember that Jesus defeated death by His Resurrection. What does this mean for me and my family? Even though death physically separates us from Brenna, we know that it will not be forever. There will be a day when we will be reunited with Brenna. I think about that reunion every day. It is Jesus and His Resurrection that will make that day a reality for our family. That is what Easter means for our family.

On a slightly different topic. I really enjoyed Elder Dallin H. Oaks talk on priesthood blessings and healing the sick. I have given Brenna many priesthood blessings. She has benefited from these blessings and I feel that it has helped her and even extended her life. However, there are times when I ask myself why I could not heal her completely and save her from death. Was I not worthy enough? Did I not exercise enough faith? General Conference and specifically Elder Oaks helped me realize a few important things. There was an abundance of faith to heal Brenna when I consider the following...

• the many people (family and friends) that have prayed and fasted for her
• the many times she has been on the temple prayer roll
• the couple of times that I know of where she had been on the prayer roll of the First Presidency (Gordon B. Hinckley, Thomas S. Monson, James E. Faust)

There is no doubt in my mind that there was enough faith. Was I worthy? I am by no means perfect, but I feel that I try to live the Gospel as best I can. I always feel that there is room for improvement. We all have sin and we all fall short of the Glory of God. Where I fall short, I have my Saviour to make up for the difference as long as I repent and improve. 

Elder Oaks reminded me that It was Brenna's time to return to her Heavenly Father. It was His Will.

So knowing that it was the will of Heavenly Father that she return to Him and knowing that I will see Brenna again because of Jesus Christ and His Resurrection helps lift the burden of her death. The message of Easter brings peace and hope in our home.

Now, there is not a moment that goes by where I don’t mourn the loss of my daughter. But because of the Resurrection, Joseph Smith said, that “we do not mourn as those without hope.” Brigham Young added, “But could we have knowledge and see into eternity, if we were perfectly free from the weakness, blindness, and lethargy with which we are clothed in the flesh, we should have no disposition to weep or mourn (DBY, 370). All of us can become renewed and strengthened by the blessings of the Resurrection. The sons of Mosiah demonstrated this courage. Their conviction of the future resurrection of Jesus gave them courage to face death with no fear. The scriptures record, “They never did look upon death with any degree of terror, for their hope and views of Christ and the resurrection; therefore, death was swallowed up to them by the victory of Christ over it” (Alma 27:28). 

From the first time that Brenna slipped into a semi unconscious state (Brenna was in a semi coma for about 2 weeks the first time) and during the several times it happened to her up until her passing, I can't help but think that Brenna was embraced by God's love. And every time but the last time she came back to us.

The following is from her Uncle Karl's talk at her funeral. 

"The lord states in D&C 6: 20: